The waiter extended her left hand towards the dining area, softly uttering, “right this way.” I followed her lead as she disappeared through a pair of tall, large black doors that were tucked away in the corner of the room. As they swung open, I was greeted with the scent of sweet parfums, warm smiles, and a big hug from my long-time friend, Nicole, who was the host of the private luncheon I was there to attend.
At heart, I’m an ambivert. Right on cue, and especially when asked to partake in public appearances, I can turn my energy on. However, immediately after my job is done, I retreat to my home—my haven—to unwind, recharge my social battery, and debrief the day’s activities in my journal. The thing about ambiverts is that we prefer intimate settings. Yes, we can thrive and adapt to lively environments when the moment calls for it, but we’d much rather engage with people in smaller circles or better yet, spend time alone.
In this case, the beautifully decorated table hosted no more than 20 high-power communications executives from companies such as Cartier, Chanel, Roots, Moet Hennessy, Estée Lauder, and others. To commence the evening, Nicole asked each of us to introduce ourselves. Given my experience in similar rooms, I anticipated this request and prepared for it. Starting at the opposite end of the table, I watched on as one by one, each woman shared a few sentences about themselves. As the introductions slowly made their way towards me, I found myself repeatedly tapping my toe to the floor in nervous anticipation. I don’t get intimidated when surrounded by other brilliant women, but during waiting periods similar to this, slight jitters creep in.
From time to time, I still do experience social anxiety, but over the years, I’ve developed a few coping strategies to combat it.
Let me explain. I aim to get the most out of any experience, and while this might sound strange, in order to rise above my anxiety and not become crippled by it, I set challenges for myself to intentionally help me continue building my audacity, confidence, and overall positive mindset throughout the event or evening. That particular day, I talked myself into accomplishing 3 goals to move the needle towards building intentional relationships with the other ladies in attendance. As the event progressed, I whispered to myself:
Challenge #1: “When it’s your turn to introduce yourself, stand up. No, STAND UP! Reposition your body to address the entire room, take a second to collect yourself, make eye contact with those around you, and then recite your introduction.”
Why: Everyone at the table introduced themselves while seated so I decided to zig while the rest of the room zagged. My confidence wasn’t built in a day. I’ve built it gradually, and I always look for the openings to take up space and insert myself.
My advice to you: Master the ability to market yourself. You should be adept at doing this whether you’re one-on-one or in a group setting.
Challenge #2: “Contribute an idea, a recommendation, or a comment to the open discussion.”
Why: Nicole sparked a group debate. She asked us, “How do you foster a culture of creativity and innovation within your team?” The conversation was interesting, and I definitely had things to say. It’s so easy to sit back and listen to everyone else dissect the layers of the question while you think to yourself, “Where do I fit in? Do my words matter? What will they think when I share my experience?” You can either get swallowed up in self-doubt or make a split decision to add value to the discussion. I chose the latter, and remained authentically me by telling a compelling story to illustrate an example of how I foster creativity and innovation at my company.
My advice to you: Don’t lose sight of the uniqueness of your experience. When you represent yourself authentically, you offer something no one else possibly could.
Challenge #3: “Email each attendee, re-introduce yourself, and set up a coffee date either in-person or virtually. It’s about depth, not width.”
Why: The extra mile is never crowded so it’s important for me to go the distance. I’m always interested in building relationships with mission-driven women to learn more about their path, and how I can be a resource.
My advice to you: A million things can arise from a simple “hello.” Whether it’s a beautiful friendship or a career opportunity, you’re likely to move the needle on your goals if you make the effort to connect with at least one person in the room.
On the surface, it appears that I am a mover and shaker; that connecting with other people comes naturally to me. But the truth is, I too, am shy at times. Even as a seasoned businesswoman and executive, there are instances when I also have to map out my path.
This story was important for me to share because I wanted you to see how I use various mechanisms to tap into my inner voice, regardless of the setting. Everyone has it, but you have to truly train yourself to listen to it. When you lean into that experience, your compass will always guide you in the right direction.