How comfortable are you with having tough conversations? What may come naturally for some, is actually pretty difficult for others. Tough talks can be intimidating when you see it as something that leaves you vulnerable and raw, and unsure of what’s on the other end of those long held unexpressed emotions. I learned a long time ago that trust wasn’t always built in boardrooms, but in the safety you create by holding space for differing ideas and viewpoints, especially when opinions clash. Because of this, I see tough conversations as a necessity to maintain the relationships (personal and professional) that matter most to me, and why I was surprised when I ended up on the other end of one with an old friend—an entire year later.
She and I rolled in the same industry circles and often found time to check-in maybe once or twice a year. Due to this, I wasn’t entirely concerned when I didn’t hear from her for quite some time. As it turns out, that wasn’t a coincidence. I’d been meaning to give her a call, and when I finally did, there was an undeniable feeling of contempt in the air. Rather than sidestep it in an effort to play catch up, I pushed. Even though I could feel her hesitance, I knew that if something was wrong, it needed to be faced head on.
I couldn’t believe what she shared. Unbeknownst to me, she’d gotten dropped by a client who happened to be another industry mutual of mine. Knowing that her former client and I were familiar with each other, my friend had pieced together a completely fictional story of her own that saw me at the center pulling the strings. She’s written, starred in, and produced multiple versions of a movie that was based on a situation I had no idea had even occurred. While this industry is small, and we do know each other, that doesn’t equate to me knowing the inner workings of deals or dismissals. Amongst the feelings I felt, the one that was most profound was sadness. For months, she’d held on to the hurt that I’d somehow betrayed her, and was never able to bring herself to address it…to me, at least. It felt almost unfair that I’d moved on with my life while she felt stuck in feelings she should have never had to carry on her own.
What took a year to come to the surface took less than an hour to resolve. Far too often we get lost in the narratives we create in our minds, and find evidence to align with the feelings we’ve grown accustomed to holding on to. But at what cost? Tough conversations, especially the ones that leave you feeling bare, aren’t something to be feared. While uncomfortable, they also take immense courage. When approached with compassion and care, and with the intention to resolve the issue, not place blame, these conversations can create clarity and mutual understanding, and help to strengthen relationships instead of harming them.
If it matters to you, it will matter to those on the other side of issues they may not even know exist or are hurting you. You owe it to yourself to be freed from the weight of misunderstandings, and to explore the thoughts and feelings that help you thrive within the relationships you hold close. So, even when the words find themselves stuck in your throat, or tears accompany emotions you don’t quite have the words for, always say the thing that’s on your heart.