If the thought of public speaking makes you nervous, you’re definitely not alone. Many people share your fear. And you’d be really surprised to find out who some of those people are.
Let me be the first to raise my hand.
But imagine if I had chosen to remain silent. Sure, I could have impacted the world in other ways. But look then I look back at the years of work I’ve put in and powerful effect I’ve had because I was able to find my voice. If you’ve considered speaking but you’re too afraid, or you don’t think you should speak, I’m here to tell you that you can and you should. I was once afraid of being in front of an audience. I grew up around family members who were public speakers and I always admired the confidence of women who could walk into a room and demand attention. I was in awe of women who refused to be quiet and demure but spoke boldly and powerfully, without apologizing for having a voice. But I never allowed myself to imagine I could be one of them.
All through adolescence, I stifled my voice. Like a lot of young women, growing up I was taught to keep it cute and keep it mute. So that’s exactly what I did. In fact, let me give you 3 examples of times I stayed silent when I should have spoken up.
Growing up I faced a lot of insecurities, I was bullied in school and struggled academically, too. I failed quite a few classes, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. I couldn’t keep up with my peers because I was fighting against a learning disability. But I never spoke up. I stayed silent. I accepted my reality.
At 13 I was sexually abused and carried that secret with me for more than a decade and even today I can’t get over the fact that my abuser got away because I decided not to speak up about that either.
My college years, one of the most transitions of my life, was consumed by depression. I graduated high school after barely passing feeling completely lost and defeated. I knew I wanted to be a professional writer and I wanted to spend some time working out how I could pursue that. But my parents pushed me to give up that dream and pick a career that would be more financially rewarding. Instead of speaking up about what I wanted and needed, I gave in. I had tried to speak and no one listened, so I just kept being silent. I felt trapped, my confidence was stunted and I was so scared of being judged. For many years, I let other people dictate my life for me. I was so depressed there were days I couldn’t even get out of bed. I was in college doing a program I hated. My grades were suffering and my attendance was awful. I was constantly worried about where my life was going and everything seemed hopeless. And all the while I remained silent until one day I realized my silence was literally killing me. In 2008, I attempted suicide twice. Ending my life seemed easier than suffering quietly any longer.
But it was finding my voice that saved me! After years of misery, I reached out to my family doctor and asked for help. I shared my story with him and with my friends. And as I gave myself permission to speak, I found my purpose. I saw that sharing my story and my experiences was something I needed to do. As a survivor of sexual abuse and mental illness, I knew there were people I needed to reach. I wasn’t being true to myself by quietly following the path other people had chosen for me. So I stopped. I dropped out of college and pursued what I really wanted. I started small but I dreamed big. First, I went to my old high school, the same one where I felt so small and voiceless, and I asked to speak to the students. I was terrified when the guidance counselor said yes. But I felt the fear and I did it anyway. And when I walked out of that classroom, I felt so empowered. That first small courageous step launched my career as a motivational speaker.
I have since spoken to audiences big and small, at high schools and universities across North America, on live television and entrepreneurship conferences. I’ve shared my story and my knowledge unapologetically. And you know what? I still get a stomach ache before every speech I give. But my fear is always trumped by my sense of purpose. Understanding why my voice is important is what gives me the courage to raise it every time. Trust me, I know how easy it is to use that as an excuse to stick to what’s comfortable. I run a mentorship program. I’m an internationally published journalist, celebrity ghost-writer and a best-selling author. I could say I’m doing more than enough to reach people. But I have a saying I live by: do one thing a day that scares you. Because personal growth always feels uncomfortable at first but the payoff is huge.
So if your goal is growth and reach, public speaking is a tool you want in your toolbox. Public speaking puts you in front of audiences you miss online. Not everyone is going to read your web content or visit your site. Let’s be real, some people will never have heard of you or what you do until you’re standing on a stage in front of them. But when you’re up there, speaking from experience and sharing your expertise, it tells people you know your business. Even those who already know what you do will get a chance to see you in a whole new light. This is especially valid for us as women who tend to shy away from owning our experiences and our power. Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, and one of my biggest inspirations as a speaker, makes a powerful point about the way we view our success. She says, “Women attribute their success to working hard, luck and help from other people. Men will attribute that – whatever success they have, that same success – to their own core skills.” As women, we need to stop trying to shift the attention away from ourselves and boldly claim our success, and public speaking is an amazing way to say, “I deserve to be here and to be heard.”
So how do you silence the fear and raise your voice? Well, there’s no magic formula. There are thousands of books published on public speaking with hundreds of tips and pointers on how to do it well. Obviously there’s a lot to sift through, but let’s keep it simple. Whatever your topic, your ultimate goal should be impact and impact boils down to three essentials: Purpose, Authenticity and Strategy.
Purpose is always step one. Approaching public speaking without a sense of purpose is like playing music without a tune. Ok, you’re making noise, but it won’t mean anything. For me, I’m driven to empower women to see beyond the limits of their circumstances. This is my purpose. Every speaking engagement I agree to, every speech I write and deliver, every time I raise my voice, my purpose is the driver.
Ask yourself, “If I don’t stand on this stage, how many lives will be affected? Who stands to lose if I don’t speak?” And that’s what you do it for. That sense of purpose will turn a shaky voice into one that shakes people up in the best way possible. Understanding your purpose is the key to making a real difference. To make a difference, you’ve got to be different. That’s why you’ve got to pair that purpose with authenticity.
Once you’ve got your purpose sorted, and you know who you are authentically, it will be a strategy that really gets your speaking career moving. A key piece of advice here: start small but dream big. Master the ability to market yourself. You should be adept at doing this one-on-one. Brilliant ideas that are communicated poorly will cause you to miss amazing opportunities. As your confidence grows, seek to grow your audience. Now there’s no step-by-step guide for this. Landing speaking engagements is a matter of grabbing hold of opportunities that sometimes don’t look so obvious. If you don’t raise your hand and make your presence known, no one is going to hunt you down. No one is going to hold your hand and usher you into the right pathways. They’ll just choose the woman who already has her hand up.
So don’t be afraid to raise yours.