With the nanny running behind schedule, it meant I had to get my son situated ahead of my hour-long Monday morning meeting with the full executive team from one of my biggest clients. Before I could mentally prepare for everything I knew this call would demand of me, my son’s needs came first. Getting him ready meant prepping a bottle, placing his favourite toys within arm’s reach, and sitting him in front of the television for some morning ABC’s with Ms. Rachel. With 10 minutes to spare before my call began, I had just enough time to throw my hair into a messy bun, apply some lipgloss in an effort to look awake, and use my hand as an iron to smoothen out the pj’s that doubled as casual wear, at least from the shoulders up.
But just as the team and I settled into the meeting’s agenda, the unimaginable, well, actually, the imaginable happened: the son began to fuss. Suddenly, his bottle wasn’t the right temperature, his favourite toys meant absolutely nothing to him, and Ms. Rachel was the last person on the planet he wanted to see. The only thing I knew would soothe him at that moment was me; the woman who was about to lead one of my week’s most important calls. With my notes ready, and my mic off, his cries became a screeching soundtrack to my strategy call. I had to go to him. Just as panic washed over my face, I raised my index finger to signal to everyone to hold for a few moments while I went to pick him up. I’d worked with this client over the span of several months and knew that trust and safety had already been established, even as the chaos that was now my life caused a brief disruption. While the moment could have caused a wave of guilt to wash over me, I had to remember that this was yet another moment where I needed to learn how to give myself permission to be messy; to be human.
So often, mothers battle deep rooted shame over their inability to show up the way they once did pre-baby. You desperately yearn for someone to offer you an ounce of compassion, to remind you that life, especially as a working mom, is messy, unpredictable, and requires immense (self) grace. That day, on that call, I was receiving a much needed glimmer of it. Despite my best efforts to compose myself as this little body tried to use mine as a jungle-gym, we proceeded, business as usual, as I swatted tiny toes from kicking everything off of my desk. If I’m being honest, before the house, the husband, and the kids, I remember being on the other side of the computer screen with a look of annoyance as I sat across from someone who showed up to a meeting unprepared, or if at all, which always left me wondering, “Why can’t she get it together?” Well, one thing about those tables, they sure do turn.
For such a long time, I’d created a life that held on to success markers that were tied to the number of deals I closed, stages I booked, or women I mentored; all of which left very little room for anything else. But now, with a beautiful baby boy as the puppeteer of my life, success looks vastly different. Even as the laundry piles, or some emails remain unread for a few hours, I know I’m doing a good job when I see the giggling face of a baby who’s clean, fed, and in the loving, calming embrace of my arms.
As I cautiously maneuver through this new chapter, I recognize how my perspective has been stretched in unimaginable ways. Today, I’m much more forgiving of the person who may need to cancel for any reason, to be honest; the reason doesn’t even matter. I allow room on calls to hold space for questions that invite those present to show up fully wherever they are along their life’s journey, knowing they’re safe to do so. And I’m a lot more compassionate and intentional when asking someone, “How are you?” and waiting to hear the response before immediately proceeding with the conversation or request.
While these changes seem simple, they have had an immense impact on the relationships I continue to foster as a mother and business owner. You’ll be surprised at how many people lean into formalities masked behind stiff smiles, knowing they don’t actually care to hear the response. In those cases, trust me, getting straight to business is always preferred over the performance of care. Since becoming a wife and mom, I’ve experienced so many moments of growth. Even as we try to juggle our dreams, from running businesses to taking care of households, success to me today is seen in the love and care I’m able to devote to the baby who sees the entire world in my eyes.
So screw the rules, and know that it’s okay if you’re a mess right now because I am too. You’re doing an amazing job, Mama, and we’re all rooting for you!
A BIT ABOUT ME: Hi! My name is Pauleanna Reid. I’m the founder and chief storyteller at WritersBlok where I lead an all-women of color team of celebrity ghostwriters. As a collective, we help industry leaders and doers who are shaping the future turn their personal stories into brand assets so they can stay relevant in a noisy world, communicate to their audience at scale, and turn any conversation into a meaningful and profitable lead. Clients truly trust me with their reputations and their legacies. In fact, when they want to speak up on a hot topic and shake the room, I’m the woman they call. Many of them have me on speed dial, why don’t you?