Last week a really good friend of mine had the best of intentions when she introduced me to her colleague. In fact, she was extremely excited to connect us because she assumed we would mutually benefit from each other, and that the chemistry would be instant.
My friend was right to assume that because, generally speaking, I do get along with almost everyone. So, like with any new connection, I anticipated a fruitful conversation and logged onto our zoom calendar invite with excitement.
I never like to begin a conversation with titles or job descriptions. Especially if the intention is for a cordial introduction and to gauge if we vibe. Even with business calls, I still like to ease our way into the agenda. But this was a casual intro call, so I joined, ready to get to know a new friend. The woman on the other end of the line, however, had a different agenda.
My background as a journalist is a superpower. The best part of any chat is asking questions that spark candid conversation. To get me there, I like to ask things like:
- What was your high/low this week?
- What activities bring you the most joy outside of work?
- What would be the title of your 2023 movie?
- Is there anything you want or need prayer for?
- What was your bravest moment so far this month?
In doing so, I’m prompting you to tell me compelling stories, and to layer the conversation with your personality. Shit, surprise me and go off script for 30 minutes. Trust me, it won’t ruin the experience. But nah. She was on some straight laced, “I’m a boss, and every.single.answer I give you will explain to you why I’m a boss, and how I boss up.”
An easy way to turn me off.
Listen, whatever. I managed to get through the conversation, and to be honest, at some point I just might be open to a follow up, but not any time soon.
As you approach all of your meetings this week, I just want to remind you to read the room. Shit ain’t always gotta be so uptight. And that goes for how you move in both your personal life and business. I get it, talking to new people can be intimidating, and naturally, you feel the need to prove yourself or overcompensate for uncomfortable silence. But, believe me when I say, at some point, you’ll recognize when all the extras aren’t needed or warranted.
I learned this lesson back in 2019 while meeting with a top executive who worked for the NBA. I walked in with my presentation deck damn near perfect, and with my lines memorized. When I was done, she complimented me about how prepared I was, but then she followed with a simple instruction, “tell me something about you that isn’t on your deck.” Girl, talk about throwing me for a loop. I was tripping over my words and, in that moment, I thought to myself, the idea of perfection is exhausting. Instead, I took a deep breath and told her my background and passion for shit that had absolutely nothing to do with the original agenda. It clearly worked because our next meeting was a casual 3-hour lunch, and it wasn’t until the last 5 minutes of the conversation that we brought up any business items.
Take it from me, it never hurts to be yourself. I average, at minimum, 40 meetings a week with everyone from high-profile/networth individuals to high school students. What I’ve observed is that the most fruitful and long-lasting connections are rooted in building a foundation based on authenticity–in personality and intention.
Another simple rule I follow is: you cannot be interesting if you are not interested. I have a lot of information to share because I am keenly interested in living a colorful life. I can contribute to a wide array of topics and I’m probably one of the plugged in and resourceful people you know because of my curiosity. We are far more than just our job titles and descriptions. They are only vessels that help us all fulfill our purpose. When you understand this, conversations will flow a hell of a lot easier.
I believe that alignment cannot be manufactured, and when you do, in fact, force it, you run the risk of losing the person you’re speaking with from the onset.
My advice: Own who you are, and watch great things flock towards you with ease.