I came sooo close to taking the easy way out with my weight loss journey, but I had to check myself. Quick!
For those of you who’ve been following me for a while, you’re probably used to me documenting every aspect of my life, especially my workouts. But after having two babies in two years, the body I was committed to maintaining back then is a shadow of who I am now.
It’s noticeable, I know. In the way my clothes fit, in the reflection I see in the mirror. So much of my postpartum journey has been a personal dedication to holding this new version of myself with gentleness and care. But, I’ll admit, last week, I almost broke.
While heading to my doctor’s office for a routine checkup, I spent the entire drive there contemplating how I could ask for weight loss medication. I mean, who can blame me? Everyday on these apps, we see women praised for their “snap back” body, and some days it’s hard to see the stretchmarks gracing my now plumper body and offer it the softness I know it deserves.
By the time I parked, however, I had a complete change of heart. This wasn’t just a body that had gotten bigger; it was so much more than that. It was the body that safely held and gave birth to my two beautiful children. It provided them comfort and nurtured them for nine months until they were safely in my arms. It had done the same for me. Each new roll I discover now tells a story of my own resilience. My body kept *me* safe.
It’s easy to get caught up in images of women sharing workout results when just behind the curtain is the reality that supplements are the real reason for their quickened progress. This time around, I’m turning a blind eye to the pressures often placed on moms to “bounce back,” and giving myself, this body I love so deeply, a full year to feel like myself again. No pressure, just patience and more self-compassion. And, I know, for those of us who may be in more highly visible positions, our self-criticism is only further exacerbated by the sounds of expectations that were never ours to begin with. But that stops here.
For the next twelve months, I’m going to take things slow. From private workout sessions to meals that consist of nothing but chicken, veggies, and quinoa, I’m allowing myself room to refamiliarize myself with the boring stuff. I’m even leaning into new habits so I don’t feel obligated to do it alone. What first began as my attempt to build community after moving into a new neighborhood has truly changed my life. While we often see the aesthetics of pilates—the matching sets and perfectly posed after session pics—let me tell you, it puts your body to work…and I’m loving every second of it.
Though it’s only been a few weeks, and I may not be able to see immediate changes in my body just yet, I absolutely feel it. My endurance while running a business and maintaining a household. The strength I’m able to tap into when caring for two babies who love being in their mama’s arms; yes, at the same time.
As a former athlete, my mind is constantly ready to move, while my mind reminds me that what I need is a slowed pace that allows change to happen when it’s ready, not forced. That’s what my body is calling for, and I intend to listen. The best part? I’ve already seen major impacts to my mental health and how I’m now able to maneuver this postpartum journey a second time around.
In the weeks to come, you may notice my workout videos return. But just know that the woman you’ll see is a far cry from the person I was just a few short years ago. I’m starting from scratch, and giving myself grace to introduce myself to, well, myself. It might be messy, I might not land all my moves perfectly, but with each video, know that I’m immensely proud of the woman you’re witnessing.