When I made the decision to drop out of college in 2008, I immediately knew that if I wanted to make it, I would have to turn the world into my very own classroom. At the time I didn’t have any industry connections, and I wasn’t part of any communities that left me feeling truly supported. In fact, many of the adults I once placed trust in – teachers, guidance counselors, family members – had expressed opinions about my chosen career path that soon became the root cause of my depression; a mental condition that I would go on to battle with for the next decade. Some of the comments they’d make were:
“Why do you want to be a writer?”
“This is NOT a lucrative profession.”
“How will you make a living from your artistic talents?”
If I’m being honest, a small part of me died every single time they doubted the belief I had in myself. Yet, in a strange way, I understood why. The logical part of their brains couldn’t do the math. With reports cards often filled with C’s and D’s, to them, it just didn’t measure up to the dreams I had of writing professionally. After I failed grade 11 and 12 English, along with several other classes, I fell into the trap of taking a college program that was not in alignment with what I truly wanted to do with my life. In my mind, I just needed to prove something. But to whom? I wasn’t quite sure. This was the start of my mental health declining.
Although I was in my early 20s, and admittedly still had a lot to learn, the concept of listening to my inner voice was a process I was familiar with. Known as your intuition or gut feeling, it was something that I’d been working on during moments when I felt anxious and didn’t know what direction to turn to. It was like my own little superpower that I was able to tap into when needed, and at each turn, it never led me astray. The problem, however, is that it’s not something that just happens overnight. Mastering your inner voice requires acute attention and practice. Fortunately for me, I had more than my fair share of practice surviving unthinkable circumstances during my adolescent years. Growing up, I often felt isolated and alone, which led to a lot of time being spent engaged in challenging conversations with my own thoughts and with God, hoping to find the answers I was searching for.
While our inner voice lives deep within all of us, it’s up to us to choose whether we listen in an attempt to make sense of it, or if we ignore the calling altogether.
During exam week of my second year of college, against all logic, my gut told me to walk out of the classroom. On paper it didn’t make sense, but that’s the thing, trusting your intuition doesn’t always have to. When I made the decision to leave, I knew it wasn’t going to be that simple. It was evident that I’d be taking 10 steps back in order to hopefully spring forward one day. And so, despite the well-intentioned concerns of those around me, I took a leap of faith.
Now that I’m an adult, I still find it challenging to navigate the advice given to me by my elders. And while I don’t claim to know it all, and while I remain a huge advocate for mentorship, allyship, and sponsorship, I am also a firm believer that you already have the tools you need (inside of you) to succeed. Those with the best chance at making it are those who utilize both.
Since leaving school on my own terms, I have stood on the shoulders of many giants. Some of my mentors and sponsors have been guiding my steps for nearly a decade. But just like in my 20s, when I get flooded with opinions, and find it difficult to make a final decision, I look inward for the answer. I receive what I need from each of them, but I never ever abandon my intuition in the process.
I recently flew to New York to have lunch with one of my mentors. Whenever she has time on her calendar, I move mountains to be in the room. As a high-profile powerhouse who has dominated the public relations industry for more than twenty years, I have incredible respect for the imprint she’s left on the world. While we have a beautiful and honest relationship, as her mentee, I never get too comfortable. Whether in-person or via phone, I always come prepared for our meetings, and as much as I request from her, I make sure I add value to the mix, too.
But this particular lunch date was interesting.
While sitting across from my mentor, she looked angelic and well intentioned. As we enjoyed a light lunch at her private club in Manhattan, I appreciated the safe space she always created for me to share my life events with her. But when the topic of my current career path came up, she offered a piece of advice that was slightly off putting. The words she left me with caused discomfort throughout my body, and left me wondering if this may have been a test.
And so, respectfully, I pushed back; firm but polite. I’ve always attracted mentors who thought differently than me – a quality I welcome as I believe opposing dialogue is healthy – but this was way beyond left field.
So there we were, she on her hill, and me on mine. Face to face. Eye to eye. And baby, I wasn’t backing down. We truly love each other, so even when we buck, it’s always playful.
But my encounter inspired me to share some advice with you:
Mentors are angels. If you are blessed to have someone in your life who invests in you, consider yourself lucky, but remember that their word cannot always be taken as gospel. At the end of the day, it’s advice; in some cases sound, but advice, nonetheless. As you seek answers in the words and support of a mentor, also have the discernment to determine if what you receive challenges what you know in your gut to be true.
At times it can be difficult to articulate, but trust me, you will know when to lean into someone else’s advice and when to lean out. If you spend enough time alone with yourself you will always recognize the whisper; an undeniable reverberation within asking you to trust in yourself.
When you are on your journey, you will be tested, and that shit will look different every time. It will take on different forms and challenge you in different ways. If you’re not careful, sometimes those tests will poke holes in your plans to see if you are anchored in your goal or just flapping in the wind. But when you’re anchored in you, your gut will always keep you on course.