For years, I’ve engaged in ‘Quick Advice From Big Sis’ chats every Monday with my online audience. It’s really become our thing, you know? A safe space for us to talk about anything that’s on your mind; from casual formalities to deeper questions about mental health, business growth, relationship capital, and my personal favorite, storytelling frameworks and best practices.
Mentor Monday is one method I use to get to know each of you better, and to be frank, y’all throw me so many curveballs that it keeps my mind sharp.
Unbeknownst to many of you, I’ve been mentoring hundreds of young men and women for more than a decade, and in doing so, I’ve made a few observations. One of those takeaways is the reason I believe some people either sink or swim during our interactions.
Nothing brings me more joy than hearing about your wins. But I have to admit, while most people will tell you that wins are the result of hard work, I actually don’t believe that’s entirely true. When I mentor someone, I can easily differentiate between those who will sink or swim, just by their level of curiosity; it’s the single most important quality I look for when deciding if I’ll invest in you. Curiosity tells me that you have a natural desire to build knowledge. And with that desire, comes thoughtful, well-researched questions that ensure we’re able to maximize our time together.
I was recently reminded about a quote by Tony Robbins, who once said, “the quality of your questions determine the quality of your life.” And then it all made sense.
I love when the people who request my time are prepared for our discussion. Too often, I’ve noticed a casual approach to meetings. And while not every conversation requires a detailed agenda or mood, if you are seeking advice from someone, it looks good on you to not only prepare but to ask intentional, well-thought-out questions. Because as a result, I can reciprocate the energy with detailed responses.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to master the art of asking great questions. It’s a powerful tool that people often underestimate. Meaningful questions not only help the conversation flow easier, but it illustrates preparation, attentiveness, and in some cases, bravery.
When using an appropriate tone, great questions can enhance a conversation tremendously. They also have the ability to allow the other person to think more critically, and therefore offer you greater insight.
Without doing the most on here (because I could speak on this topic for hours), I’ll leave you with this homework. There are 3 types of questions to focus on: Open-ended questions, follow up questions, and leading questions.
From my decade long experience mentoring, what I’ve often noticed is not a lack of ability, but rather a lack of curiosity to propel that ability into action. Adjusting how you approach a conversation; whether it be with your romantic partners, a mentor, a client, or with a friend, will change your life. It also changes the information you gain access to, and the new people and spaces that become opened up to you.