I recently saw a tweet that made me actually laugh out loud. While I couldn’t tell if homegirl was being sarcastic, I absolutely took it that way. For those of us online, January can be an interesting month, and if you’re not careful, you’ll get distracted by cyber-glitter. Right now, most of our feeds are probably overrun with highlight reels, stacked resumes, poetic captions, and some luxurious vacations sprinkled in the mix. And shit, I’m the last person to tell y’all not to flex; by all means, live it up.
But when the hype slows down, and all the ‘likes and comments’ begin to fade during the upcoming quiet(er) moments, how will you decipher who’s really in your corner? I’m sure we all know a little too well how it feels to be surrounded by people, blinded by flashing lights and perfect picturesque moments, and still feel completely alone. Now, you should know by now that I don’t like to sugarcoat things, especially when it comes to the state of the world we live in, and the ramifications that it can have on our mental health. So, if I’m being honest, we are in a crisis that too many of us have chosen to ignore: life is often experienced where there are often no cheers, and where tables and communities may not be waiting for us with assigned seats. But to get you there – to the versions of us we aspire to, or the goals that keep us motivated – we need to be intentional about the rooms we choose to be in, but more importantly, the people standing in there with us.
My first-hand experience with similar scenarios has given me the freedom to approach some of my friendships differently. In doing so, I have found the beauty in establishing close bonds as my accountability partners; the ones who will be there to get me over the finish line I’ve set for myself. While these are necessary steps that I think we should all take, this wasn’t done in an attempt to start the year off under the guise of a “new year, new me.” My qualm with setting new year goals is that intentions don’t always lead to long term actionable steps. Research also shows that by February, most people feel less motivated, and eventually slowly fall back into old habits. Baby, that New Year’s high dies quickly.
Days ago, Meagan and I locked in for a 2 hour brainstorming session. One thing I’ll say about M is that she doesn’t fuck around. My girl is one of the biggest dreamers I’ve ever met. From working with the United States Embassy to presenting iconic workshops about branding in the Metaverse, on behalf of META and Adobe, she has never been one to shy away from new opportunities – in a nutshell, she is, in many ways, the perfect accountability partner.
While I’m always inspired by her sheer brilliance, I also know that with big dreams comes new responsibilities, startup stress, unexpected challenges, CEO duties, critical decisions, and more. Though social media may make all of this seem like a walk in the park, this shit isn’t easy. But the beauty in embarking on any journey, is that you don’t have to go through it alone, or depend solely on your own strength. You’ve got God, and I am positive, at least one person in your contacts who you can link up with. When deciding on who that might be, there’s something that you need to keep in mind: consider someone who doesn’t have the same career as you do, but rather someone who shares a common vision with you.
M and I started scheduling intentional accountability check-ins more than a year ago, and while we’d sometimes include peers, most of the time, it’s just us two. At first our sessions were very casual in nature, but overtime, they grew more specific to our ideal outcomes. The goals of our time together are simple: create a safe space for each other, re-imagine our futures, decode our ideas, and provide feedback.
Nothing topic is too big or small.
Nothing is off limits.
Accountability meetings work best when everyone:
- Checks their egos at the door
- Is coachable and open to constructive criticism
- Has diverse backgrounds, viewpoints, and experiences
- Commits to a consistent schedule
M and I follow a very simple framework for our meetings:
- A wellness check
- State of our plates (general, life, family)
- Present what we’ve been working on
- Bring forward new ideas
- Open discussion
- Review action items and assign homework
- Conclude with a new meeting date on the calendar
What I enjoy the most about the accountability partners in my life is watching the needle move with every session. I like having a specific target date when I know some shit needs to get done, and having someone to answer to keeps me on track. We value each other’s time, and the space we provide allows us to foster a relationship built on reciprocity. As a result, our productivity and performance have drastically improved because there’s added structure to our growth plans.
That’s the key word here: Growth.
But accountability doesn’t only apply to career goals. Being able to hold space for each other requires a level of intimacy that can nourish friendships. As someone who craves connections that go beyond the surface, the depth I seek in myself must also be found in the spaces and friendships I occupy. My girls and I talk are able to discuss anything from revenue goals to how to become better mothers and partners. We’re able to talk about the latest fitness apps, just as much as we’re able to discuss our spiritual walk with God. We can even laugh about poppin’ it on a handstand, and cry over the weight we carry every single day as women-CEOs.
Baby, we got range.
Community is something we all need, but isn’t always something that’s sitting there waiting for us. So instead of waiting for someone to invite you to their table, girl, build your own. No, really. Start in your phone, send a text to someone TUH-DAY and set up your first call. Let’s begin filling your table with people who feel good to YOU.