:: When I’m assertive, I’m a bitch. When a man is assertive, he’s a bawse ::
I was 21 when I started my first business. I worked as a stylist in the music and entertainment industry; often standing at a crossroads between right and wrong. My moral compass was always tested. Working in a male-dominated field definitely teaches you some things. Not only did it test my patience but it also helped me build a backbone. I was young, curious and exposed to sex, drugs and (business) politics on a regular basis. I was in an environment where women are not heard but rather seen as objects. When I left the scene in 2013 and launched another company, the challenges were no different. I still had to defend myself and deal with bullsh*t. Whether I spent 24 hours dressing video vixens onset or was attending a board meeting at an office, I’ve learned to keep a level head.
You do not have to bend.
I repeatedly remind myself.
Sometimes you gotta vibe alone to really understand some things; to have tough conversations with yourself about what you are standing on (morals, beliefs, your story) and who you’re fighting for. There are times when I disagree with the popular choice, there are times when I’ve walked out of a meeting or dropped a client who has overstepped their boundaries. I’ve been called all kinds of names and have been mistreated because of some of the decisions I’ve made, but I still stand firm because I’m not gon’ get played if I have anything to do with it.
Linked above is a podcast episode I recorded two years ago that still applies today.
From time to time I still go through bullshit but these days I feel more equipped to handle it.
Below is a video clip of Nicki Minaj that I referenced. She speaks a lot of truth in this interview. Take it in.
I learned about this clip while reading a feature on Luvvie Ajayi on ForbesWomen where she talks about negotiation and references Nicki Minaj.
The reporter, Tanya Tarr asked,” I’ve seen you tweet a few times to never accept pickle juice. Can you tell me more about what that means?”
Ajayi: It’s a great metaphor for not letting yourself be negotiated down. The story is actually something that happened to Nicki Minaj. There’s a video on YouTube that I watched, and the takeaway for me was don’t accept pickle juice, because if you do, you keep getting pickle juice. Why pickle juice? Nicki Minaj was booked for a photo shoot. When she shows up on set, all the amenities she asked for aren’t there. So she goes to catering, and instead of food, all there is is a jar of pickles on the table. The clothing options were awful. The whole booking was terrible, so she walked away. Her agent tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t accept the situation. She wasn’t going to allow pickle juice to be an anchor in future negotiations. It’s a great lesson in knowing your worth, standing in it and demanding it, even in the face of people telling you you’re supposed to accept less. She knew her value.
Tarr: Have you been presented with pickle juice in your career?
Ajayi: All the time. As a freelancer, as a writer, and running my company, people have always tried to negotiate me down. Some might think that I might accept their offers because they think I don’t have many options. The truth is, I always have options available to me. I won’t allow a pickle juice precedent to be set. I know my worth.
:: Closing note ::
These are only a few instances that shed light on how I navigate my business relationships with male counterparts. But don’t get it twisted. All men are not dogs. All men are not assholes. Some are really awesome and have your best interest. Just keep your eyes open so you can spot the difference.