Leading up to New Years Day, I cried many nights.
It is a challenge to identify whether or not it was the result of anxiousness or relief. To be quite honest, it is likely both. My moods shift day-to-day, minute-to-minute, and last year, at every turning point I was triggered. I had a difficult time managing my emotions but in the same breath, gave myself permission to lean into those feelings, not mask them.
I was diagnosed with depression in 2010 and for the past decade, I have experimented with therapy, medication, and various lifestyle changes. Over time, as my recovery process slowly began to take shape, so did my confidence. But in 2020, much like many other people close to me, my world unraveled and it did so while running a company, working in the media, and handling family obligations. In my prayers to God each night, I asked for strength. Knowing that 2021 was just weeks away, I got on my knees and knew I would need to lean on Him to get through this year. I was and still am very tired – mentally, emotionally, physically. I too, gave 2020 everything I had as a means to survive. And while on paper, one would say that I checked the boxes and achieved success on a few levels, for me the biggest win wasn’t financial or had anything to do with my career.
In a recent tweet, I mentioned that I have unsubscribed from hustle culture and that I’m not letting the internet rush me either. Just as I thought, thousands of people liked, commented, shared, retweeted in agreement. But I didn’t post seeking validation. I spoke openly as a reminder to myself that it’s ok to unlearn a narrative that has been a big part of my life since my early 20s. To maintain my peace of mind, I’ve had to move differently. I now take slow, significant steps. My morning routine is nothing short of an hour, sometimes two. I take afternoon naps, I delegate overflow, I go for long drives, I watch stand-up comedy. I devote more time to things that fuel me all while still making my best attempt at achieving maximum productivity, meeting client deliverables, and leading a team.
So, finding sure-fire ways to cope is very important to my healing and growth. Here are 4 life-changing tips that have helped me tremendously during times of uncertainty.
Turn Big Dreams Into Baby Steps
There are many steps to align in order to stay focused on a set of goals. One of my favorite strategies is creating a vision board every few years to remind myself that every door is open and available to me. Issa Rae recently shared her vision board that she created back in December 2013. In this Instagram video, she explains what each photo represents and how that dream came to life. I may actually film a video of my own to detail what this activity has done for me. It’s the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night. I categorize my board with different areas in my life – six in particular. I’m a firm believer in speaking things into existence and using visualization techniques and activities to ground yourself in the belief that what you want is possible. On the days that I simply want to throw in the towel, I glance at my vision board (which is also the screensaver in my phone home screen and desktop) so I’m reminded of how far I’ve come and the future accomplishments that have my name on them.
Reach Out To Someone You Trust
For me, reaching out to mentors when I need a supportive word, is self-love. Picking up the phone to speak to my therapist when I feel alone, is self-love. It’s about sharing expressions and sharing how I feel. Contrary to what is perceived, having someone provide an objective personal space for your mental health can be life-altering. There is a stigma that comes along with seeing a therapist and that needs to change. Personal development should always come first. Yet, we always tend to look for outside contributions, rather than look within ourselves. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but with real investment comes real change.
The first person I spoke with in my time of need was a medical professional. That day in 2010 when I took the step, was a pivoting event for me, and I’m in a better place today because of it. On social media, I’ve seen self-love equate to spa days and pedicures, and that’s fine. But for me, it’s more internal and personal. Being silent is hurting us in excess numbers. Once depression is recognized, help can make a difference for 80% of people who are affected, allowing them to get back to their daily lives.
Talk To Yourself Out Loud
Often times, the conversations that you have with yourself can determine whether you win or you lose. Ever talk yourself out of a dire situation? Or give yourself an amazing pep talk before a big opportunity? I am all about positive affirmations. Even when I don’t feel like doing something that is a necessity, I talk myself into it and I ask myself, ‘what is the next small step I can make to move the needle forward?’
Words hold immense power and impact in our lives. On Instagram, we post quotes on the daily. We’ve also all seen the effect of harsh words uttered under our breath, in contrast to uplifting words spoken eloquently. Speaker Mohammed Qahtani’s award-winning speech “The Power of Words” states, “Words have power. Words are power. Words could be your power,” Now those are words to remember.
Hearing daily words of affirmation (these days I cannot get enough of the motivational mixtapes by Toni Jones) gives me a helpful jolt to start my day. Sometimes, we don’t believe it until we hear it. There’s no person better than yourself to give that pep talk. So speak up, even if your voice shakes. Also, don’t forget to celebrate your small victories as you go along! My friend Chivon encouraged me to start a gratitude jar years ago. Try it, it makes all the difference.
Keep It Moving!
Life has its peaks and valleys. But at least three times a week – thanks to my personal trainer and accountability partner – I feel on top of the world. For me, the goal is not to lose weight (although, I consider that a plus). The goal is to develop my mental toughness. If you struggle with how to run into fear and not back down from it, then I suggest a physical activity. Your physical health affects your mental health and it’s important for both your mind and body to receive an ample amount of care. In fact, aerobic exercise – like jogging – is newly recommended in clinical guidelines to help treat mild to moderate depression. I can’t stress this enough. A positive state of mind coupled with a healthy workout regimen can take you anywhere you want to go–professionally and personally. If I am going to pursue dreams of any size, I need to be conditioned for the journey ahead.