Source: Instagram via @justcriso

Source: Instagram via @justcriso

I think this photo is beautiful.

My friend Cris is a photographer and always has meaningful images on her Instagram. One that really spoke to me was this photo of a man praying next to his cab. My first thought was how much I admire his dedication to what or who he believes in and the second thought that crossed my mind was my life as a Christian woman and how much I have backslid in recent years.

Girlfriend, the struggle is real.

I recall another time I witnessed a man in deep prayer. I had just finished pumping my gas, walked into the station to pay and the cashier had his eyes shut, hands closed, murmuring something under his breath. Respectfully, I stood quietly and watched. When he was done, he thanked me for being patient. I smiled. He proceeded with the transaction and I went on my way.

Apparently, I did not get the memo. God was trying to tell me something and I feel foolish for overlooking it. You see, I grew up in a Christian home. My father, a preacher and my mom; a devoted woman who loves to praise the Lord. We went to church every Sunday and I was taught to have conversations with God before meals, before and after my rest, when in doubt and when in a state of gratitude. Nothing you probably have not heard before.

My tweens, teens and early twenties were rough. Throughout my journey of self-discovery, I often found it difficult to trust anyone. As I grew older, I seldomly attended church, started partying more and developed many toxic relationships. Depression followed me everywhere and I walked around with a cloud of guilt and shame over my head constantly.

Now, I am 28 and still trying to figure it out. I know God is always with me. I know He is the one I can count on because He has shown himself in my life time and time again, yet I struggle with the fact that I have not lived up to what is expected of me as His child. There are days when I enjoy conversations with Him and there are days when temptation grabs hold of me and I barely recognize myself when I look into the mirror.

Girlfriend, I feel like I am on a battle field.

I often spend time alone to think about my life. It’s easy to dwell on the past, but what’s more important is what you will do to change your future. I have such a deep desire to do right by Him. Everyday, I ask Him to guide my steps, grant me common sense and wisdom, and to watch over my friends and family.

Whatever happens God, please watch over my friends and family.

I know I am not perfect and sometimes I don’t feel worthy of His time and attention. But when I picked up my bible today, I was reminded that I don’t need to worry.

Philippians 4:6, KJV. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

Every day is another chance to feel brand new. God is awesome because He loves us despite all our sins and some days may be challenging but things are never as bad as they seem.

Girlfriend, you’re okay and I’m okay.

Remember there is strength in prayer and no reason to ever feel alone.

Peace & Love,