I have the Beyonce joint “Sorry” blasting in the background. Heartache has not made me bitter, it has actually made me a better woman because I’ve sampled enough to know exactly what qualities I do not want in a life partner. In most areas of my life, I’d like to think I have it all together or pretty close. But the relationship department is where I’ve always struggled the most. My track record is horrible. I haven’t always made smart choices but can you blame me? Navigating the dating world ain’t easy. My poor choices always make for interesting stories and wise lessons though. The most important thing is that I learn from it all. Here are 6 past dating experiences that have raised a red flag, sounded an alarm and made it very evident to me that it’s time to move on.
1. HE HAS A HABIT OF ‘GOING GHOST’
Many people are guilty of this – including me. Back in the day when I was young and naive, I often would disappear when disinterested without taking into account how it would affect his feelings. But it wasn’t until it happened to me, that I finally had a chance to look into the mirror. For those of you who aren’t aware of what “going ghost” is, the concept is simple – to “disappear” by not calling, texting, or talking to a certain person. This is a classic move often executed by cowards and it is wrong on so many levels. I was just in the hallway with two girlfriends who are experiencing this same scenario right now – why they choose to stay, I haven’t a clue. If I guy does not call or text you on the regular, he’s just not that into you boo boo. Let’s not even entertain that game because if you let him off the hook now, he will probably leave your ass in the dust later.
2. HE IS STILL ENTERTAINING HIS EX
A guy I was recently seeing was still in constant communication with his ex-girlfriend. If you share a child between you two, then OKAY. But if not, then I have to question why she is still sliding in your DMs or calling you in the middle of our date at the mini-golf range. In the beginning, I was super cool about it and still kept close observation but after some weeks when things were not slowing down, it was evident that his ass was being disrespectful. Bruh, what reason do you have to still entertain her if y’all are done? I’ve been cheated on before and that feeling sucks so when my inner voice tells me that something is up, without hesitation, I bounce. Girl, if you ain’t the only one then he is not the one. Keep it pushin’
3. HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO PICK UP THE PHONE
Everyone knows I am pretty bad at texting. We may start a conversation today and it may not continue until next week. In my opinion, if it’s important you will call me. I have this same standard in my relationships. I really don’t like when a guy texts me all the time. There’s something about hearing his voice that makes me feel really good and lets me know he’s attentive and is taking time out for me. Not only is texting impersonal, but it’s hella annoying. Like, how long can we actually have a conversation via text? I have shit to do. I can’t be texting every 5 seconds and if you have that much time on your hands then we probably aren’t compatible anyway. #swerve
4. WATCH HIS FRIENDSHIP CIRCLE
Ciara and I have something in common. When it comes to our exes, we actually thought that we’d play a different role then the ladies who came before us. 2008 – I received a phone call from Johnathan. After some chit chat back and forth, he decided to drop a bomb and reveal that he had been cheating on me for the past 2 years. Of course, I’m hysterical and in awe that someone who I literally see every second of every day could find time to cheat or even think about other women. Yes, plural. Boy, bye. Catch the joke though. All of his friends were cheaters and I knew this information because he told me endless stories of their double identities. Playing the hubby role at home and going out at night to live it up like only a single man could do. And silly me, honestly thought Jon was different or that I was different in his eyes. The evidence was right there and I made the choice not to see it. There’s a saying I love: Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are. Yup!
5. HE’S A STRAIGHT UP ASSHOLE
In my post Single, Sexy & Celibate I was very clear about my choice to wait. I totally understand that when dating, it’s also important to keep it real to test the temperature about whether or not he is on the same page. Because many guys will talk the talk, but … you know the rest. So, I was dating an amazing guy earlier this year. Girl, our first date was magic. He shut down an entire restaurant for me and him. A few dates in I was upfront and completely honest with my self-love journey and he said “Okay, I’ll wait” – which to me means “Okay, I’ll wait” – right? Or was that code for something else? Long story short, we had a very unfortunate incident. On the ride home from another great date, he tried to pull a fast one and I declined. His first strike was trying to turn a cute kiss at the red light into a full body pat down. The second strike was getting upset when I firmly told him no. The third was kicking me out and leaving my ass high and dry on the street. Needless to say, I never saw him again.
6. HE FAILS TO PLAN
There’s absolutely nothing sexier than a man with a plan. Ugh, can I get an amen? I love a guy who takes initiative. I love a guy who has leadership qualities. Ideas are nothing without great execution. He can sing song all the romantic things he’s gunna do, but if you want to really impress me, it’s all about consistency baby! You know it’s time to move on when he is always going with the flow, avoids conversations about the future and is not decisive about the things in his life, career or relationship with you.
Ah, I’m so glad I got this out of my system. A simple reminder to stick to your gut, follow your heart and most importantly, practice patience. Remember, no guy is perfect but there’s nothing wrong with having standards with the belief that one day you will find someone who is perfectly made just for you.
Peace & Love,