I can’t believe how timely this video clip is for me. Creflo Dollar always speaks so much truth. As a newly single gal who has a history of moving too quickly, this was a good reminder why I need to slow my ass down.
Not just slow down.
Most people don’t know this but during the Summer of [a few years ago – don’t want to call him out or be too specific], I was with a man who I thought was the love of my life. After 5 months we decided that we wanted to take the next step in our lives together and soon thereafter, we were picking out diamond rings and matching wedding bands. We went from 0 to 100 real quick. I was excited to finally be fulfilling my dreams of becoming a wife and mother. I cared for my man, deeply. More than you’ll ever know. But the faster we moved forward, the more I pulled back.
It was telling me something.
I could not ignore it.
I confided in many other couples whom I looked up to. I told them how I was feeling. But they didn’t listen. They said, “Baby girl, just do it. He’s a good man with a good family and stable career. What more do you want? Your feelings are natural. You are just nervous.” I replied, “Nahhhhh. This is not nervousness. It’s different.”
Sadly, I knew in my heart that he was not my forever. The intuition. It was very real and I knew it was not wise to ignore it. So I didn’t. I broke up with him and as hard as it was to leave and as much as I loved him, I loved me more.
Let’s fast forward to earlier this year. Suddenly, my ex started following me again on Instagram and reached out to meet up. The cocky side of me said,“Maybe he wants to rekindle our romance?” “Why wouldn’t he, I’m fine as hell.”
No really. I’m a catch. Don’t hate.
But all joking aside, I agreed to meet up with him and hear him out. After all, it had been at least a year since we last spoke. I was curious about his well being. We met at a cute resto downtown. I was greeted with his warm smile. For a moment, I felt special. I felt all kinds of mixed feelings.
But only for a moment. Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.
We dived into a great conversation. I lit up when hearing about how well his career was going and his plans for personal and professional growth. It’s always refreshing to see a man with a plan. That was one of the unique qualities that attracted me to begin with. But the conversation turned left when his voice got softer. Real quiet. Nervous.
He said, “I’m engaged.”
I said, “Oh, congrats. That’s great.” And I meant it sincerely. I knew he was not my forever. I made that decision years ago. So my reaction was completely genuine.
A murmur followed, “…. to a man.”
I blinked once. I blinked twice. Then smiled. But behind this smile was a huge what the hell? Huh? Wait? No. So I asked him to repeat it just to be clear. He confirmed.
I took a breath and said, “Okay.” That was the only word that could escape my lips.
After taking a second to process this information. I took another breath, smiled and asked all the who? what? when? where? how’s?
He was completely upfront and honest. Open. Vulnerable. I will keep those details sacred. In those moments I appreciated him even more. He didn’t need someone to judge him, my mood quickly shifted from anger to compassionate and supportive.
After wrapping up our talk. We hugged good-bye and continued on our way. I have not spoke to him since.
The moral of this story is to ask questions. Take your time. Follow your gut and do not let me hear you say “..but I love him.” – Girl, stop. Do you even know him?
In addition to this video, I highly recommend a book called 1001 Questions To Ask Before You Ger Married by: Monica Mendez Leahy. Excellent book that will help you learn more about your partner and peel back layers upon layers of him.
Open your eyes, heart and mind to these important life lessons.
Peace & Love,